America! Fuck Yeah!

First of all, I don't even consider myself a Democrat. Not really. My father was big-time military and my mother was a member of the Young Republicans in college. I, however, choose the path of least resistance. The elusive and mysterious Independent. That being said, I begin my microscopic dissection of Dubya's book report, I mean, State of the Union address.

I really do find the political ritual in our county to be fascinating. I picture our forefathers walking in with similar fanfare, with our elected representatives respecting the institution of the presidency, regardless of party. But last night, it just felt...different.

Maybe it's just that. The "state of the union". It's, um, not so good. Relatively, I understand that we, as Americans, really don't have TOO much to bitch about. We have potable water. We can flush the dook. We have medication. But as the cabinet walked in, I thought, what the hell is REALLY going on?

Lots of pans to Laura, sitting next to Middle Eastern powers and in front of a grief-stricken war family. Noticably, the Bush girls were absent. "State of the whatevers are like, sooo boring." (Shotguns beer.)

It is now that I decide I have an inappropriate, non-sensical politcal correspondent crush on Tim Russert.




Gee-Dubs is announced. He walks down the aisle as the year's largest sometimes- semi-annual display of politically public ass-kissing begins.

Pan to a star-struck Judge Forrest Gump Alito, staring in to the air thinking, "Mama said they was magic shoes. They could take me anywhere."

Cut back to suck-fest, where we are fed the tiny little tidbit that Cindy Sheehan, the mother who protested at the gate of Southfork, has been...what?....ARRESTED?
Holy crap, this could get good.


At this point, the President begins to speak. Coretta Scott King died today; unfortuante for the world, great for Dubya. His perfect opener. He is compassionate and aware. Sigh.

We then are treated with a veritable list of countries that will be conquered next. Zimbabwe, Burma, and oh yes, Iran.

"Dear Iran, You are soooo 'next'. Love, G.W."

At this point, I'm waiting for Rumsfeld to stand up and chant, "W.M.D.! W.M.D.!"



The Prez then proceeds to lighten the mood by dissing former Presidents (pan to Hillary for the "No he di-int" look) and casually asking for the line-item veto to pass. The Republicans stand up. The Democrats do not. I'm at a football game watching The Wave. This is awesome. It is at this time that George Bush announces his plan for alternate energy. Look for the Prius '07, rollin' on G-Dubs.

Now, onto education. First, elimate all art programs, bump up math and science funding and prepare the robots. While you are at it, make sure to drown the girl babies.

With this intro, we are introduced to the American Competitive Initiative. Love your fellow American, but goddammit, beat his ass on your standardized tests or you are FUCKED. :) Also, terminally ill citizens? I know we COULD save you, but, um, Jesus says no. Sorry.

All in all, though, I think his speech writers did a good job. The lack of facts was expected, but the conviction was surprising. The bi-partisan support of the military, or should I say the soldiers, was important and the entire experience got me thinking in so many ways, that I am grateful for that. So, Georgie, have a great time on your next vacation (it's been about 2 weeks...you must be exhausted).