Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Allz you need is a J.O.B.

I got laid off at my old job, after a nationwide 5% reduction in staff. $25 million bucks in salary, just like that. Fuckers. Anyway, ONWARD AND UPWARD! Got a better job at a bigger company! I started this week and am still TOTALLY trying to assess the vibe.
I discussed it with my friend tonight through instant messanger:

ME: new job: VERY quiet in the sales pit.

HIM: That's weird shit, right? That's how I felt at AOL

i came from one where in the first 30 min. of the day, there was a LEAST one good "fuck you", awesome bagels, or some sort of theme music day, such as Hip Hop Friday.
sounds lame, WAS AWESOME
it's all.........quiet now.

I totally understand

it's making me want to flip a cubicle and start a drum circle.

Or at least just shout something rude at the top of your lungs

Sometimes, I wish I had Tourette's.

It'd a least be a great ice breaker

Remind me to tell you about my freshman year biology class at Tech. FULL blown Tourette's guy sat right behind me and I could NOT stop laughing all semester. It was a problem.
ok, i'm out. must go learn the code of my new holy savior, ** Radio, and pledge my loyalty to their creed so I can get my goddamn benefits. Later!

God bless

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

This morning, I got taken down by the man. I became the "above said driver" that drove the "above said vehicle" ('03 Corolla with the limo tint. Don't hate.) and got cited for "not coming to a full stop before the stop sign and stop line and resting front wheels in stop line."

I got busted for the California Roll.


$280 in fines and 4 points on my license.

Luckily, I know a guy who knows a guy, so it should be good. That's what is so weird to me about this town. Corruption is totally acceptable and de riguer. Las Vegas is NUTSO. It may be the weirdest place on Earth.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Stress Makes People Funny....and Crazy.

This week has been an exceptionally cesspool-y week at work.

I believe my boss summed it up best today when he said, "This has pretty much been the shittiest week here ever. Yesterday was horrible, today sucked ass, tomorrow will be the absolute worst and Thursday, I just plan on sticking my dick in an electrical outlet."

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Best. Ever.

I just KNEW i was gonna love Kid Nation. And my favorite kid to hate? Taylor. Dat gurl crazy.

The kid I love to love? Jared.

"I hope I don't have to take a poo."

Monday, July 30, 2007

This seriously might be turning into a problem.

There was a time when I would come into work and be able to have a discussion about world events, presidential canidates, new restaurants, books, films and other cultural workings. But today, I sunk to a new low when I came in and screamed, "OH MY GOD, PLEASE TELL ME SOMEONE IN HERE WATCHED 'THE TWO COREYS on A&E last night!". [The fact that it's on A&E does not even count as cultural, so I'm doubly fucked].

This might be the best/worst yet. Corey Feldman, at one point, looked like a male ballet dancer in tight-white sweatpants and a Flashdance-cut boatneck, discussing with his wife (who looks like the chick from your high school that wasn't reeeeally pretty, but tagged along with the cute sluts and screwed wrestlers) how he hopes Corey Haim hasn't done anything drastic. Ya see, after finding out that the Lost Boys sequel was already in straight-to-video production, the Haimster lost it and all he was really doing was cruising around and buying them a four-year overdue wedding present from Tiffanys [Read: Went out and did 20 enormous rails of cocaine off the top of the toilet tank in a seedy Hollywood bar, got all fucked up, stumbled to the Century City Tiffanys and paid for a crystal vase with crumpled up 20's]. This might be my new favorite.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Extreme Bullshit

So, I just watched my Tivo'ed episode of Extreme Makeover and I'm pissed. These peeps got extreme makeovers because they "just didn't like how they looked". WELL, WHO THE FUCK DOES? I think the angle was that we were supposed to feel happy that they got one because they were a couple consisting of a paramedic and a firefighter. Gotcha. Tough jobs. Yup. Sure are. But does that qualify you for free veneers and lipo? Because if so, I really should have called this show when my ass was getting kicked by full-grown autistic kids. I'm just sayin'.

I think Extreme Makeover just jumped my shark.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Forcast for Thursday? 118!

I would like to share this picture of a local fireman extinguishing my skin after I got into my car today.