Musical Hell.

I share my the area I work in with two other people. Both of them like to play their music throughout the day. Now, seeing as I work in radio, you would think that maybe, just maybe, the music choices would be good ones. But sadly, no.

One woman likes to listen to a station that isn't even one of ours. Their jingle is "Smooooooooooo-ooo-oooooooth Jaaaaaazz. One OHHHHH FIIIIVE point Sehhhhvennn", and is chock full of clarinet-y versions of Michael Jackson, Santana and Commodores songs.

The other woman likes to listen to gospel, and I don't mean the choir filled, emotion- packing, U2-backing kind. I'm talking the "HOOOOOOOOOOOOLY JEEEEEZUS . I say JEEEE-UUUUU-UUUHHHH-ZZZUUUS", etc. And this shit goes on...all...day.

I would wear my iPod to save myself, but sadly, I have to deal with people all day. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go stick my head under my pillow and turn on my white noise machine.

Um, ew?

Dear Mucinex-D,

Please don't animate snot.





Your commercials make me throw up in my mouth.

Love,

Me

No Deal, Howie.

The best part about Deal or No Deal is the total exposure of human greed. And stupidity. Why do the contestants always ask their 7 year old kids whether or not they should take $146K?

HOWIE: Deal or no deal?

MOM: Kevin, honey, what do you think?

[Pan to kid in glasses and a mal-fitting dress clothes.]

KEVIN (seven): No deal!



HOWIE: Kevin, how much does a house cost?

KEVIN: twenty seven dollars.

HOWIE: And Sour Patch Kids?

KEVIN: One kazillion dollars and pennies.

Dear God, It's me, Sexy...

I just wanted to say thanks for making what was really shitty post-birthday-I-can't-believe-I'm -thirty-one week into what may go down in history as one of the best.


Today, Josh Homme (love ya, man) got TOTALLY passed in the left lane by none other than the painfully talented and adorable Taylor Hawkins, drummer for the Foo Fighters. He was so cute and nice in his wee tee-shirt and jeans. He commented on how un-glamourous our lobby is, whereupon I agreed and likened it to a gynecolgist's waiting room. He laughed, because he was lovestruck, I'm sure. I told him he was my favorite drummer to air-drum to in the car, which he appreciated, and asked me my fave song to do said air-drumming to (Everlong. DUH.) I heart him so much.

omg omg omg!

I met one of my full-on rockstar dreamdudes today, Josh Homme of Queens of the Stone Age. I had to act all mellow and professional, when really I wanted to flying-squirrel leap out of my chair and attach myself to him. I fucking love this dude, his talent, his charismatic rocker way and the fact that he dates a bad-ass chick . I just want to party with this dude until we pass out, sweating. Is that so wrong?

Hear ye, Hear ye...

Any episode of Wife Swap that includes a family who does the whole medevil, renaissance thing, is destined for greatness, as was tonight's episode. Quote of the night? "Does belly dancing sound like something you might like to do with your mom?" Settle.

I Heart New York

I just thought of something. One of my ultimate guilty pleasures/necessities is singing at the top of my lungs in the car. I was thinking about my awesome friend in NYC who has no need for, therefore does not have, a car and I thought...when does she belt? Are city dwellers deprived of car sing-a-longs or is it a small price to pay for the coolios that come with living in a great town?

Project Blonde

I think I have found the best hairstylist in the world. Naturally, I'm blonde, but wanted to be blonder. How do I relay this info to a stylist I had never met?

Me: I want to go blonder.
Her: How blonde?
Me: Slut blonde, without the slut and have it look like I paid a lot of money for it.
Her: California beach slut or Hefner girlfriend slut?
Me: California
Her: No problem.

The result? Blonde done right. I love her.

Nacho and I were just discussing baby teeth and how weird it is that we grow teeth, they fall out and grow back bigger and uglier. Why is that? And more importantly, why do our parents keep the teeth? Was that just my own weird mother that kept my baby teeth in a velvet jewelry earring-box thingee? The teeth are in her top dresser drawer, along with various scarves from the 80s and knee-highs. Why? When my dog lost his baby teeth, he just ate them and shit them out, I think. Hmm.

You complete me.

...and I don't care what the people say. You were funny, and I totally want to go to El Pollo Loco with you.